• Lexi Paganelli

Letting Him Take Control

*I've talked about frustration in a previous read, think of this as a continuation. These posts are vulnerable, based on personal feelings and what I go through so that you can relate*

I love living by myself. I'm in control of everything. Just the same, I try to take control of situations in my life so that the outcome is in my favor. A lot of us want to have a say in what happens in our life, but as many of us know, it doesn't work that way.

No matter how hard I try or how hard I pray for that one thing to happen, it just seems like I lose every time. I feel like I've been defeated over and over and I'm just stuck. I get so mad if God doesn't answer especially if I begged him for that something to happen. It can be so discouraging talking to him and feeling like he isn't listening. It can be depressing going through trial after trial wondering when/if you'll ever get a break.

I get mad at God sometimes- we all do. He wants to hear what you have to say and how you feel- angry, sad, happy, anxious, etc. As hard as it is to hear this, it's all about faith. I know, easier said than done. People go through the roughest time when they accept Christ, but that's how you know you're doing something right. You can bottle it up but I promise you that one way or another, it'll come out. You don't have to keep a brave face or pretend to be perfect, he knows who you are, what you're feeling, what you're thinking. Just ugly cry it out.

How do you know if it's God speaking to you and not just yourself? Usually, if the answer is straight forward and follows his Word, it's him. But, it's not always that easy. Sometimes he falls silent-or so it seems. The only thing that I can think of when I feel like he's quiet, is that he's working "behind the scenes" and I remember that we need only be still and he'll speak. We are always moving and times are so much different but what has remained the same is our habit to want to control everything around us. It's so hard to "let go and let God." When I feel like I'm in a ditch, I talk to him, read the Word, listen to sermons, drive and sit in my church parking lot... This is a relationship. It's not about punishment, it's not about following rules and getting rewarded... this is about you and your father and what he wants for you. There's a saying, "God will wreck your plans before they wreck you." That is more true than I care to admit. "Why?" "I don't understand." You name it, I've said it. No matter what, I still try to control outcomes in my life.. why? Because I'm human.

My faith does not falter when something doesn't go my way. I remain grounded, but I let him know how I feel. I don't blame him, I don't curse him, I just talk to him; whether you want to believe it or not, he listens to every single thing you say to him. Like I've said before, I am the most impatient person, but prayer and patience go hand in hand. Practicing patience is key because prayers are never answered at the time that we want them to be.

The take away:

He has a vision for you- one that you cannot even comprehend. He will steer you along the path and when you veer, he's going to do something about it. You might not like it, and you more than likely won't agree, but through faith and understanding that he is a good God, you'll see that everything was for a reason. Let him take control.

Verses for today:

1 Peter 5:7: Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

1 Corinthians 2:9: "Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, nor have entered into the heart of man the things which God has prepared for those who love Him."

Philippians 4:6-7: “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

Proverbs 3:5-6: "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight."

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